Blogging?

So its Friday night, March 8th, at 6:01. My first post. I don't really know why I'm starting this. It just feels like the right thing right now. I'm sitting with my lights of, my curtains closed, and my little lanterns casting kaleidoscope cutouts onto my walls, and I want to try something new.

Maybe its silly, maybe its not, but I've wanted to be some sort of blogger since as long as I can remember. I can remember my 6 year old self sitting on my yellow bedspread with a binder specially for the website I was going to make. I was going to call it Faye~Faye. That binder was my life. I organized it with little tabs, I color coded it, drew sketches, wrote outlines for future blog posts, and even went so far as to get my cousin to give me her dream weaver software to make websites. But I didn't go any further.

And then, in 4th grade, it was going to be a video blog. Me and my friend Madison were going to make our own video studio out of my garage. We drew up designs, picked out decorations we liked, came up with names, wrote skits for what we were going to talk about, and even thought we would have to make our own band to make it more exciting. But we didn't go any further.

Then, suddenly, iCarly came out. I remember sitting down and watching it and thinking, I wish that was me! I want my own video blog! So I told my fried that and they showed me YouTube. I absolutely loved it. The people were funny and they held their own individually. However, I went from designing and slowly trying to make my dreams a reality to just watching them and sucking my day away.

Next, in 7th grade, me and my friend Ahleea were going to make our own blog, "just like the one in iCarly, only better!" We spent hours on the Internet putting URLs in to see if they had been taken or not. We drew designs, we wrote terrible skits that I still have in a little folder, and we took lots of snack breaks. This time, I got as far as actually starting to design the website on Dream Weaver. But I didn't get any further.

Another time, I decided that making my own website was a bit of a long shot for me. So I made a blogspot and a tumblr. The blogspot was just me writing some poems and a couple posts about the basketball team I was on at the time, while I immediately submitted to the tumblr way of only posting pictures (which did nothing to stop my desire for a blog). And I used them for a while, both not being what I had hoped for. So I didn't go any further.

Once, I actually managed to reach my goal.... only to be told by my mum that it wasn't a good idea. There was a song that I absolutely loved at the time called 'Fuckarias' even though there was no swearing. I listened to that song so often that I used my webcam to video myself singing it a capella and I actually posted it onto YouTube! However, my mum saw it and told me that it wouldn't be a good thing coming up if someone were to google me (my mum thinks about these things) so I made it private. And so I didn't go any further.

The latest time was September 2012 when I told myself that I would make a YouTube channel. I spent hours working to think of the perfect username, writing down things to talk about, searching what I would need to get starting, reading up on how to use video editing software. And surprisingly, I filmed my first video. I was so relieved. I thought to myself, 'maybe this is the time I actually do what I dream about!' I was so excited. Until I watched the video. I constantly played with my hair, half my head was out of shot, you could barely hear my voice, my dog was barking in the background, and every joke I had said just didn't seem funny anymore. So, blushing and thoroughly embarrassed, I closed the editing software I had opened and tried to block all desire to put up a video.

So here I am. Looking at this all, I think I've realized what my problem was. Planning. The one time I didn't plan it was the one time that I was happy with it. It was spontaneous and fun instead of some big chore that I had to force my way through. And the best thing about me starting this blog is that this it spontaneous. My only other open tab is a YouTube video that I paused half way through because I had officially had enough of beating around the bush. I've waited too long to do something like this! So I'm going to make the very best of this and use all my other failures to know what I shouldn't do. I'm not going to over think, I'm not going to put my full name so it shows up when people google me, and most importantly, I'm going to turn this into something that I can show to people and say proudly "I did this!"